Kiusaajiani Nokialta 90?00-luvuilta ja mit? minulle tapahtui

Amir Bardo. Muun muassa pakotti minut sy?m??n h?m?h?kin p?iv?koti-ik?isen?. (Muistan kuinka olimme leikkim?kiss? ja h?n sanoi, ettei p??st?isi minua pois, jos en s?isi sit?. Sen j?lkeisi? tapahtumia en muista kunnolla. H?n kai ty?nsi sen suuhuni. Muistan ?itini kertoneen minulle vuosia my?hemmin, ett? Bardo teki sellaisen asian minulle.) Tunkeutui silloin my?s veljens? kanssa kotiini, lukitsi oven kylpyhuoneeseen, jotta ?itini ei p??sisi sinne, ja ty?nsi ulostetta suuhuni. Toisessa tilanteessa h?n ty?nsi kissan ulostetta hiekkalaatikosta suuhuni. Ollessani p?iv?koti-ik?inen h?n potkaisi minua kiveksille. (Muistan ett? ?itini vei minut l??k?rin tarkastettavaksi sen j?lkeen ja ett? valitin, kuinka kukaan ei tehnyt mit??n Bardolle. Potilastiedoistani ei l?ydy merkint?? t?llaisesta.) Bardo kertoi my?s raiskanneensa minut pikkulapsena. En itse muista sit? tapahtumaa kunnolla. V?lillemme muodostui (huono) kaverisuhde alakoului?ss?. Yl?koului?ss? yritin katkaista v?lit h?neen. H?n suuttui ja opetti alla mainitut koulukiusaajani Leo Kiurun ja Juuso Rauhalan hypnotisoimaan minua. Bardo oli itse aiemmin sotkenut el?m??ni hypnoosilla. ?Jos m? en saa sua, niin kukaan muukaan ei saa saada sua.?, h?n sanoi yhdess? tilanteessa alakoului?ss?. Bardo kertoi heid?n hypnotisoineen minut masentuneeksi h?nen ohjeidensa mukaan. ?Oisko kannattanut olla mun kaveri??, h?n sanoi minulle. Minut ainakin hypnotisoitiin yl?koulun (Nokianvirran koulu) k?yt?v?ll? unohtamaan oloani ja itsetuntoani kohottaneita tapahtumia. Kerran Bardon kiusatessa minua kysyin h?nelt?, milt? h?nest? tuntuisi, jos joku tekisi h?nelle samoin. H?n vastasi: ?Mutta kun kukaan ei tee. Joten miten se t?h?n liittyy? Miks tota aina kysyt??n?? Bardo ja h?nen veljens? valvoivat, etten muistaisi ja paljastaisi heid?n ?itins? (Aila Lappalainen) hyv?ksik?ytt?neen minua seksuaalisesti pikkulapsena. H?n ei my?sk??n halunnut, ett? tiet?isin ?itini hyv?ksik?ytt?neen minua, jos se tarkoittaisi sit?, ett? soittaisin poliisille. (Muutama muistinmenetykseeni p??ttynyt keskustelutilanne t?st?kin aiheesta siis sattui.) Bardo kertoi minulle koului?ss?, ett? h?n on sadisti. Ollessamme p?iv?koti-ik?isi? h?n kertoi minulle palvovansa Saatanaa. Minulla on muisto Bardosta aiheuttamassa minulle sy?mish?iri? hypnoosin avulla varhaislapsuudessani. H?n sai ruoan maistumaan minusta pahalta. (?Saat sitten sy?d? koko ajan lempiruokaas.?, muistan h?nen puhuneen minua vastaanottavaisemmaksi. Pidin vain kalapuikoista ja porkkanaraasteesta sen j?lkeen. Perunat saivat minut oksentamaan. ?itini vei minut ainakin kerran sy?m?tt?myyteni takia Nokian terveyskeskukseen. Tuttuun tapaan t?st? koko aiheesta ei ole ainuttakaan merkint?? potilastiedoissani.)

Janne Harhala. Muun muassa piti minusta kiinni, kun Bardon veli, jo kuollut (Tai niin he ainakin sanoivat minulle.) Daniel Bardo, potkaisi polveni sijoiltaan. Olin nelj? tai viisi ja h?n kaksi vuotta vanhempi. Hy?kk?si toistuvasti Bardon ja t?m?n veljen kanssa kimppuuni, kun leikin yksin ulkona. Kysyin alakoului?ss? (Minulla oli ?huono kaverisuhde? h?neenkin.) h?nelt?, miksi h?n teki niin ja h?n vastasi ilman, ett? vaikutti muuttuneen: ?Se oli kivaa. S? et pannut yht??n vastaan.? Kerran h?n kiusasi minua: ?Et tied?, mit? me tehtiin sulle lapsena.? ?Kuka sut on opettanut iskem??n naisia!??, Harhala kerran kovisteli minua kateudesta vihaisena, kun olin alakoului?ss?. ?J?tk? ei en?? mee paniikkiin.?, h?n sanoi minulle yhdess? tilanteessa. Muistan ainakin Bardon aiheuttaneen minulle paniikkikohtauksia pikkulapsena ? h?n j?rkytti minua paljastamalla pahuutensa ? ja ilmeisesti my?s Harhala oli mukana sellaisessa. H?nell? oli ala-astei?ss? tapana polttaa muurahaisia suurennuslasilla. Ryhdyin ainakin kerran tekem??n sit? h?nen kanssaan.

(Yksinhuoltaja?itini, Elna Malinen, ei hankkinut minulle apua, koska pelk?si ett? minut huostaanotetaan. Kuulin h?nen sanovan niin puhelimessa. H?n ei panostanut yht??n hyvinvointiini, mutta piti minua kai omaisuutenaan, josta ei halunnut luopua. ?Lopeta se voliseminen!?, h?n huusi, kun halusin p?iv?kotiin kavereideni luo. H?n luki nelikymppisen? ylioppilaskirjoituksiin ja p??sykokeisiin, kun minua r??k?ttiin pihalla, ei menestynyt hyvin ja ryhtyi my?hemmin siivoojaksi ja lehdenjakajaksi. Malinen hyv?ksik?ytti minua seksuaalisesti joitakin kertoja p?iv?koti- ja ala-astei?ss? ja sen j?lkeen hypnotisoi minut unohtamaan tapahtuneen. H?n oli lis?ksi hoarder. H?pesin kotiani, enk? kokenut pystyv?ni tuomaan ket??n sinne. Minulla on my?s muistoja lastensuojelun asiakkaana olemisesta pikkulapsena, mutta sellaista ei l?ydy potilastiedoistani. Muistojeni mukaan ?itini my?s kertoi minulle vanhempana lapsena, ett? minut yritettiin ottaa huostaan pikkulapsena. ?Mutta me k?ytiin (kummit?tini) Annen kanssa hakemassa sut pois sielt?.?, h?n sanoi. En tied?, voiko tuollaista tapahtua. Yksi t?m?n alueen muistoistani on ?itini houkuttelemassa minua karkkirasian kanssa tulemaan takaisin kotiin, kun olen jossain laitoksessa. Kerran alakoului?ss? ulkoa kotiin palattuani ?itini kysyi minulta vihaisena, olinko puhunut tyt?ille, kun olin niin punainen. H?n sanoi ettei pid? siit?, kun yritin h?mmentyneen? kysy?, mit? vikaa siin? oli.)

Severi Lehtonen. Tiputti tahallaan hyllyn p??ni p??lle, kun olin alakoului?ss?.

Teemu Keskitalo. Muun muassa ampui minua kuulapyssyll? silm??n. Osui onneksi silm?luomeen. Sai tiet?? ?itini hyv?ksik?ytt?neen minua seksuaalisesti ja kiusasi siit? vimmatusti. ?Mee nussiin ?iti?s!? (En uskonut sit? todeksi.)

Leo Kiuru. Kiusaaja alakoulusta (Myllyhaan koulu) lukioon. ?Jos paljastat mut aikuisena, esit?n vaan, ett? olen muuttunut.?, h?n sanoi minulle Nokian lukion k?yt?v?ll?. Alakoulussa: ?Jos kerrot opettajalle kiusaamisesta, me kaikki muut pojat vaan kiistet??n se. Et saa ket??n todistamaan puolestasi.? Yl?koulun pukuhuoneessa muille pojille teoistaan alakoulussa: ?M? yritin tuhota sen jo ala-asteella, mutta tyt?t alko puolustaan sit?.? Ilkkui Nokianvirran koulun k?yt?v?ll? hypnotisoituaan minua: ?Se ei muista. Ei muistuteta sit?.? & ?Se ihan selv?sti pit?? itse??n rumana.? En ymm?rt?nyt, mist? h?n puhui, mutta pidin kyll? itse?ni rumana. Kiuru (yhdess? muiden kanssa kai) my?s hypnotisoi minut unohtamaan yl?koulussa tilanteeni tyt?n S kanssa. Olin p??tt?nyt alkaa seurustella h?nen kanssaan. My?hemmin h?n suuttui muistamattomalle minulle ja antoi neitsyytens? yhdelle kiusaajistani tiet?m?tt?, mit? he olivat minulle tehneet. ?Amirin suunnitelma toimi t?ydellisesti.?, Kiuru sanoi S:st? Nokian lukiossa minulle ja poikajoukolle kiusatessaan minua tapahtuneesta. ?S on mun Facebook-kaveri!?, h?n sanoi ja naljaili sill?, ett? t?m? ei tiennyt, mit? oli tapahtunut. Minulle sattui muistinmenetys traumareaktiona; tein sen kai jossain m??rin itse itselleni j?rkytyst? paetakseni. Kiuru kertoi minulle pyrkiv?ns? k??nnytt?m??n muut lukiossa minua vastaan. Siell? h?n my?s aiheutti minulle paniikkikohtauksen (joka johti muistinmenetykseen) sanomalla: ?Arvaa kuka on my?s psykopaatti? Sun ?itis.? H?n sanoi siell? my?s: ?Me tehtiin susta masentunut. En?? s? et vie tytt?? kelt??n.? Kiurun ?iti toimi vanhempainyhdistyksess?, tiesi poikansa olevan psykopaatti tai vastaava ja tiesi h?nen kiusaavan minua. H?n ei kuitenkaan seurannut tilannetta. ?Leo on sellainen, ett? ainoa ratkaisu t?ss? tilanteessa on se, ett? teist? tulee kaverit.? ? tai jotenkin hieman toisin sanoin ? minulle sanottiin alakoulun alkuvaiheessa Kiurun kiusattua minua jo ennen kuin tyt?t alkoivat ihastua minuun. (Sama p?tee joihinkin muihinkin t?m?n kirjoituksen lainauksiin. Jotkut lauseet muistan sanatarkasti, mutta kaikkia en ihan. Muistan sananvaihtojen asiasis?ll?n silti selke?sti.)

Henri Tallgr?n. Suuttui ja sanoi menett?v?ns? tytt?jen kiinnostuksen, kun olin kutsunut h?nt? kieroksi heid?n kuullen alakoulussa. Sai jotenkin (nolaamalla kai?) aiheutettua punastelun alkamisen minulla nelj?nnell? luokalla. ?Se on sun hermostossa, etk? p??se siit? ikin? eroon!?, h?n sanoi. (Ep?ilen h?m?r?sti muistaen, ett? h?n nolasi minut kertomalla luokkahuoneessa minun nukkuneen samassa s?ngyss? ?itini kanssa. Tein niin silloin jonkin aikaa ? yleens? jalat p?invastaiseen suuntaan kuin ?itini ? pit?m?tt? sit? erikoisena, ellen pys?htynyt ajattelemaan sit?. Ep?ilen ett? sekin tehtiin minulle hypnoosilla tai hypnoosin sukuisilla mielenhallintakeinoilla kuten osa muistinmenetyksist?ni ja osa seksuaalisesta hyv?ksik?yt?st?ni ?itini toimesta. (Kerran tai kahdesti pikkulapsena en tajunnut yht??n tai l?hes yht??n, mit? tapahtui, ja kerran se tapahtui nukkuessani. Pidin ?iti?ni rumana ja vanhempana lapsena minulla oli ymm?rrys siit?, mit? seksi on. En usko siksi sen olleen ikin? suostumuksellista ja tietoista kuten Lappalaisen kohdalla ? kunnioitus kyll? puuttui silloinkin liev?sti sanottuna. Muistan my?s torjuneeni j?rkyttyneen? ?itini seksiehdotuksia. Saatoin sanoa h?nelle, ett? h?n on ?itini, sen lis?ksi, ett? kutsuin h?nt? rumaksi. Muistoni muista hyv?ksik?ytt?tilanteista ?itini kanssa ovat sumeita ja h?nen on t?ytynyt saada aiheutettua ne jollain muulla tavalla.) Muistan ?itini maanitelleen minua takaisin, kun olin l?htenyt omaan s?nkyyni tai mennyt nukkumaan sinne, ja ehk? jopa onnistuneen siin?.) Kiusasi siit? paljon alakoulussa ja yl?koulussa. Ep?ilen jonkun aikuisen opettaneen h?nelle, kuinka se tehd??n. Nautiskeli ja ylpeili minulle aiheuttamallaan k?rsimyksell?: ?? ja sitten s? alat punastella.? ?Se ei uskalla tapella.?, h?n ja Miiko Jokipii naureskelivat Nokianvirran koulun k?yt?v?ll?. Tallgr?ninkin ?iti oli vanhempainyhdistyksess? ja tiesi h?nen kiusaavan minua. ?Sen kiusaaminen ei toimi, jos se muistaa olevansa tytt?jen suosikki.?, Tallgr?n sanoi alakoulussa. ?Anna anteeksi tai me jatketaan sun kiusaamista.?, h?n sanoi h?nest? ja Kiurusta minulle ala-asteen viimeisin? p?ivin?. Kielt?ydyin ja sanoin: ?Sitten jatkatte.? Tiesi yl?asteella, ett? minua hypnotisoitiin, ja mit? tapahtui S:n kanssa, ja sanoi ettei h?n osallistunut siihen mitenk??n.

##2. Ei hyv?ksynyt ala-asteella sit?, ett? tyt?t pitiv?t minusta enemm?n kuin h?nest?. Osallistui kaikkien muiden luokkani poikien kanssa kiusaamiseeni t?m?n asian takia. ?Kaikki pojat on mun puolella.?, Kiuru pystyi kiusaamaan minua kolmannella luokalla kai. ?S? et hanki rautoja, koska s? pelk??t, ett? me kiusataan sua. Me saatiin rumennettua sua.?, ##2 sanoi minulle. Oli samassa yl?koulussa ja lukiossa, eik? osoittanut katumusta. (Muokkaus 9.7.2024: nimi muutettu, koska muistot eiv?t tunnu aivan sataprosenttisen varmoilta. L?isin vetoa niiden totuuden puolesta, mutta en voisi oikeussalissa vannoa niin k?yneen. Ja jo puuttumattomuus sen tyyppiseen kiusaamiseen, jota kyseinen henkil? todisti?)

Markus Aaltonen. Kiusaaja alakoulussa. K?ytt?ytyi usein yst?v?llisesti minua kohtaan, mutta oli oikeasti kiusaaja ja kiusaajien puolella. J?tti yleens? suorasanaisen kiusaamisen muille. Katsoi minua ja virnuili ivallisesti, kun kuvaamataidon tunti, jonka ?itini oli sijaisena pit?nyt, oli p??ttynyt. Olin viett?nyt suuren osan tunnista otsa pulpettiin painettuna sormet korvissa ja silm?t kiinni. H?pesin ja inhosin ?iti?ni niin paljon. Kiusasi minua kerran ala-asteella liikuntatunnilla Nokian uimahallin saunassa siit?, etten osannut uida. Minulla oli tapana lintsata uimatunneilta sen takia.

Juuso Rauhala. ?M? tuhoan sun itsetunnon.?, h?n sanoi minulle Nokianvirran koulussa. Otti juoksemalla vauhtia ja potkaisi minua yll?tyshy?kk?yksen?, niin ett? l?in takaraivoni lattiaan koulun k?yt?v?ll?. Nokian lukiossa h?n kiusasi minua sylki lent?en masennuksestani sanoen, ett? hippokampukseni kutistuu ja teen lopulta itsemurhan. Tiesi ?itini hyv?ksik?ytt?neen minua, mutta auttamisen sijaan kiusasi siit?. ?S? el?t helvetiss?, mutta et tied? sit?.? En tajunnut, mist? h?n puhui. Rauhala harrasti judoa ja osasi kuristaa minut tajuttomaksi (j?lleen yksi v?yl? aiheuttaa minulle muistinmenetys) Nokianvirran koulun pukuhuoneessa. Suuttui yl?koulussa, kun kerroin yhdest? kiusaamistapauksesta (H?n antoi minun kuunnella mp3-soitintaan ja laittoi sitten ??nenvoimakkuuden t?ysille. Sanoi tehneens? sen, jotta saisin tinnituksen, enk? voisi en?? ikin? nauttia hiljaisuudesta.) tyt?lle, johon h?n oli ihastunut. T?m? ilmeisesti kylmeni h?nelle tajuttuaan, millainen h?n on. ?S? veit multa N:n!? H?n sanoi pilaavansa kostoksi el?m?ni Bardon avulla. Kiusasin h?nt? itse alakoulun ensimm?isell? tai toisella luokalla haukkumalla h?nt? l?skiksi. Ihminen, joka ei ole t?ysin paha, voi kiusata ja ihminen, joka on t?ysin paha, voi joutua kiusatuksi? ?Tied?tk? miksi tyt?t j?tti sut yksin? Koska me kiusataan sua.?, Rauhala kertoi minulle kasiluokalla tyytyv?isen?. (Yksi tytt? oli sanonut minulle, ett? oli parempi tehd? niin, koska muuten he kaikki ihastuisivat minuun. Toinen sanoi, ett? olisin muuten pulassa poikien kanssa.) ?Me vaan esitet??n yst?v?llist? sulle oppituntien aikana.?, h?n sanoi minulle ?idinkielen tunnilla ysiluokalla. Kun Kiuru jostain syyst? yritti lopulta ei-kiusaamistarkoituksessa kertoa minulle lukiossa ?itini hyv?ksik?ytt?neen minua (??l? tapa mua sitten kun muistat.?, h?n sanoi.), tuli Rauhala kerran v?liin: ?Ei! Se ei saa p??st? vapaaksi!? H?n ilkkui lukiossa my?s tehneens? minut masentuneeksi ja kertoi, ettei seksi kiinnosta minua sen takia. ?Sulta menee nuoruus hukkaan. Me elet??n se.?, h?n sanoi siell?.

Valtteri Pirisjoki. Kiusasi minua yhdess? Rauhalan kanssa Nokian lukiossa. He tulivat kerran iholleni k?yt?v?ll? ja Rauhala sanoi: ?Valtteri on sua parempi filosofiassa. Ja koulun kovin naistenmies. Se voisit olla sin?.?

Matias Ruotsalainen. Kiusasi ja h?iritsi jollain ilkeill? sanoilla Nokian lukiossa ja sanoi syyksi sen, ett? olin saanut yhden kiusaajani, h?nen kaverinsa, erotetuksi sielt?. H?nest? olin tehnyt ep?reilusti. N?ill? ihmisill? on erilainen oikeusk?sitys.

Lassi Lehtonen. Tuli iholle Nokian lukion k?yt?v?ll?, kun olin debunkannut h?net ja oikeiston filosofian tunnilla sanomalla, ett? Suomessakin on rikkaita. Tiesi jotain tilanteestani alempien oppiasteiden tuttujeni kanssa ja kysyi vihamielisesti, oliko minusta oikein paljastaa psykopaatteja. ?Mist? tied?t, ett? m? en ole psykopaatti??, h?n kysyi minulta. Sanoin ett? h?n varmaan sitten on.

Atte Toivonen. Kiusaaja p?iv?kodissa (Muitakin lapsia kiusasi minua niiss?, ja my?s jotkin aikuiset tekiv?t sit? sen lis?ksi etteiv?t tyypillisesti puuttuneet siihen kunnolla ainakaan. Kerran minut t?n?ttiin p?iv?kodissa naamalleni, niin ett? nen?st?ni alkoi vuotaa verta ja minut vietiin terveyskeskukseen. Poikajoukko sai minut jotenkin sanomaan, ett? olin kaatunut, mutta ?itini ei uskonut sit?. Tapasin monta tulevaa koulukiusaajaani kiusaajina jo p?iv?kodissa, Toivosen lis?ksi ainakin Markus Aaltosen (Edit 8.10.2024: Minulla ei ole kristallinkirkasta muistoa tilanteesta, jossa Aaltonen olisi kiusannut minua p?iv?kodissa. Muistan h?nt? huvittaneen, kun kielt?ydyin sy?m?st? ja riitelin p?iv?kodin ty?ntekij?iden kanssa. Otin sen my?t?mielisen? asenteena minua kohtaan. Saattoikohan kyse olla jostain muusta, kun kaikki my?hemm?t tapahtumat ja kokonaiskuvio huomioidaan?) ja Juuso Rauhalan. {Muisto tai valemuisto jonkin kiusaajani sanoista ala-asteella: ?Me ei edes tiedetty, miks me kiusattiin sua p?iv?kodissa. Meid?t vaan k?skettiin tekem??n niin.? Antoivatko kiusaamistani mahdollisesti koordinoineet aikuiset kiusaamisessani tapahtua ?orgaanisen kiusaamisen ajan?, kun kyse oli tytt?jen suosiosta koulussa?}) ja yl?koulussa. H?n ylpe?n? muille pojille Nokianvirran koulun pukuhuoneessa: ?M? kiusasin sit? p?iv?kodissa.? Kiusasi tai yritti kiusata minua pukuhuoneessa my?s siit?, ett? suuni j?? auki t?ysin rentona. (Pikkulapsena ?itini kerran k?ski minua pit?m??n suuni kiinni neuvolatarkastuksessa, jotta t?t? vaivaa ei huomattaisi. H?n ei kai halunnut kuulla moitteita lapsen kasvatuksesta ja kodinhoidosta.) Kerran yl?koulussa Toivonen t?ni minua ja kun puolustauduin, h?n yritti potkaista minua kiveksille.

Jesse Arpula. Kiusasi minua noin kahden vuoden ajan alakoulussa k?yden v?h?n v?li? fyysisesti kimppuuni. Muun muassa hy?kk?si selk?ni takaa kimppuuni, kaatoi minut ja painoi p??t?ni maahan, niin ett? nen?ni rutisi. Tallgr?n ja Kiuru kannustivat h?nt? kiusaamaan minua. Pyrki tekeytym??n hyv?ksi kiusatessaan minua ja haki v?lill? mukaoikeutusta teoilleen siit?, ett? olin itsekin kiusannut. Yksi tytt? luokallamme oli, monimutkaisen tapahtumasarjan j?lkeen, luvannut harrastaa seksi? h?nen kanssaan, jos h?n alkaisi kiusata minua. (Kiuru kertoi, ett? h?n ja muut pojat kiusasivat minua, koska luokkamme tyt?t olivat ihastuneita minuun. He eiv?t siksi h?nen mukaansa alkaisi seurustella heid?n kanssaan. Joku oli vienyt minulta muistin asiasta. H?n sanoi, ett? he lopettaisivat kiusaamiseni, jos joko alkaisin seurustella kyseisen tyt?n kanssa tai loukkaisin h?nt?. Valitsin j?lkimm?isen. K?vin kutsumassa h?nt? huoraksi Kiurun ohjeen mukaisesti. En ollut ihastunut h?neen enk? muistanut, kuinka h?n oli joskus ollut auttavainen minua kohtaan. Enk? my?sk??n muistanut seksikokemuksiani. (Niit? oli muutama tytt?jenkin kanssa.) Lis?ksi suutuin, kun yksi luokkamme tytt? kertoi h?nen kielt?neen muita tytt?j? puhumasta minulle. Arpula sanoi minulle yhdess? tilanteessa, ettei kiusannut minua oikeasti siksi, ett? olin loukannut tytt??, vaikka esitti tekev?ns? niin. H?n mahdollisesti (ei 100-prosenttisen varma muisto) my?s kielsi ket??n kertomasta tyt?lle syyt? siihen, ett? olin loukannut t?t? kuultuaan siit? mahdollisesti vasta my?hemmin ja valehteli t?lle my?hemmin, ettei ollut tiennyt. (P?ivitys 10.1.2024: Muisto Arpulasta kovistelemassa minua ja vaatimassa olemaan kertomatta tyt?lle tuntuu l?hes kristallinkirkkaalta. My?hemmin tytt? vaati minua kertomaan, oliko Arpula ollut siell?, kun Kiuru ohjeisti minua loukkaamaan h?nt?. En muistanut enk? osannut vastata. Arpulakin saapui paikalle ja kiisti sen. Siit?, oliko h?n kuullut siit? my?hemmin, ei puhuttu. En muista Arpulan kommentoineen minulle asiaa ja mahdollista yll?tyst??n mitenk??n. H?n oli my?s viett?nyt paljon aikaa Kiurun ja Tallgr?nin seurassa silloin?) Kiuru ei pit?nyt lainkaan lupaustaan lopettaa kiusaamiseni. Unohtelin itse pitk?n tilanteen aikana, miten se oli alkanut. Muistiani kai vietiin. Kerran tai kaksi tajusin tulleeni ansoitetuksi, mutta en pystynyt my?nt?m??n sit? kunnolla itselleni. Hy?kk?sin tytt?? vastaan sanallisesti sen sijaan, ett? olisin kertonut h?nelle, mit? oli tapahtunut.)

Matti Haapanen. Kiusaaja ala-asteella. Kerroin h?nelle kouluhammasl??k?rin aulassa sanoneeni hammasl??k?rille, ett? olen jo luokkani suosituin poika, kun t?m? oli yritt?nyt saada minut oikomishoitoon sanomalla, ett? tyt?t tykk?isiv?t minusta enemm?n silloin. Haapanen alkoi t?ni? minua ja vaati minua sanomaan, etten ole tytt?jen suosikki. ?M? oon oikeesti komee toisin ku s?.?, h?n sanoi minulle toisessa tilanteessa.

Mika Kivimaa. Suuttui yl?koulussa, kun h?nen tytt?yst?v?ns? ihastui minuun ja j?tti h?net. Pahoittelin, mutta Kiuru yllytti h?nt?: ?Se on ylpe? siit?.? Tiesi ett? minulle aiheutettiin muistinmenetyksi?. ?Se vei multa A:n!?, h?n sanoi, kun h?nen veljens? yritti saada h?net j?tt?m??n menem?tt? mukaan kiusaamiseeni.

Samuli Ahonen. Mukana kiusaamassa yl?asteella kun minulle aiheutettiin muistinmenetyksi?. Kiusasin h?nt? itse ala-asteella ajattelemattomasti jonkin verran. Mutta h?n ei onneksi ollut hyv? tyyppi silloinkaan. En p??ssyt kuin huonoon seuraan, jossa sitten kuljin sumussa ja oireilin. Piti natseista yl?asteella. Ja ei kai pit?nyt juutalaisia pahoina. ?Me ei j?tet? sua rauhaan.?, h?n sanoi, kun k?skin h?nt? ja Rauhalaa tekem??n niin kasiluokalla. He olivat j?tt?neet minut yksin tarkoituksenaan vahingoittaa minua, mutta kun el?m?ni muuttuikin t?ll?in paremmaksi saatuani uudelleen yhteyden tytt?ihin, alkoivat he kiusata minua. ?Atte kiusaa sua.?, h?n kiusasi minua yl?asteella. H?pesin silloin kiusatuksi tulemista.

Jonne Karru. Otti yl?koulussa riveleist? kiinni, kun ratkoin h?nt? paremmin ?lykkyystestiteht?vi? matematiikan tunnilla. ?S? et ole mua ?lykk??mpi!? Kertoi minulle alakoulussa, ettei h?n kiusaa, mutta on itsek?s. Kuului poikiin, jotka eiv?t ik??n kuin olleet kummankaan, minun tai Kiurun, puolella, vaan olivat yst?v?llisi? minuakin kohtaan. En tied? mit? ajatella h?nen kesken j??neilt? vaikuttavista auttamisyrityksist??n. H?n muun muassa neuvoi minua hankkimaan masennusl??kityksen yl?asteella. Tiesi ett? minua hypnotisoitiin.

Miiko Jokipii. L?sn? ja kiusaamassa esimerkiksi tilanteessa, jossa Rauhala kuristi minut tajuttomaksi yl?koulun pukuhuoneessa. ?rsyyntyi muiden poikien kanssa Kiurun lietsomana siit?, ett? istuin v?litunneilla tytt?jen kanssa ja nauratin heit?. ?S? olet k?enpoika.? ja ?Yhteiskunta ei kehity, jos sunkaltaiset vie naiset.?, h?n sanoi minulle ja kertoi, ett? h?nest? tulee l??k?ri. ?Luuletko, ett? m? haluan l??k?riksi auttaakseni??, h?n sanoi, kun puhuimme asiasta pukuhuoneessa. Piti holokaustia siistin? asiana. ?Tied?tk? Juuso, mit? tarkoittaa S:n ry?st???, h?n my?s sanoi minulle viitaten tytt??n, joka oltiin oudosti viety minulta. En ymm?rt?nyt yht??n, mist? h?n puhui. Opiskeli Nokian lukiossa, eik? osoittanut katumusta ja oli mukana ainakin yhdess? vihamielisess? k?yt?v?tilanteessa, jossa kiusaamisestani ja muististani puhuttiin.

Markku Joenper?. Luokanvalvojani yl?koulussa. Virnuili vaan, eik? auttanut, kun kerroin h?nelle ja muille opettajille ep?ilev?ni ?itini hyv?ksik?ytt?neen minua seksuaalisesti ja olevan psykopaatti. Kerroin heille, etten muistanut hyv?ksik?ytt??, mutta pidin ?iti?ni ?ll?tt?v?n?. ?Ai sekink? on psykopaatti??, ?Sun ?idist? ei kyll? usko.? ja ?Eih?n t?ss? vaan ole kyse siit?, ett? Juuso ei halua tehd? kotit?it???, Joenper? v?itti vastaan ja kyseenalaisti minua refleksinomaisesti. ?Huomaatteko te jotain outoa Markussa? Te muut kuuntelette vakavina ja h?n virnuilee.?, sanoin muille opettajille. (Kiusaajani kai veiv?t muistini minulta, kun olin puhunut opettajille. Kiuru ja Rauhala vainosivat minua taukoamatta koulun k?yt?vill?. Minulla ei ollut mahdollisuuksia mietti? tilannettani. My?s ?itini saattoi tehd? sen. H?n sai minut kotona unesta hypnoosiin ja kyseli minulta, mit? koulussa oli tapahtunut. Vihasin h?nt?, enk? normaalisti puhunut h?nelle, mutta hypnoosissa minut sai luottamaan keneen vain.) Yksi paikalla olleista opettajista yritti auttaa minua antamalla minulle auttavan puhelimen numeron. Kotona ?itini tutki reppuni ja takavarikoi sen minulta. ?Kuka sulle on antanut t?m?n numeron??, h?n kysyi minulta, kun olin nukkumassa. (Mitenh?n h?n osasi tehd? sen? En usko, ett? h?n tutki reppuni joka p?iv?.) ?Ei tee mieli auttaa sua.?, Joenper? sanoi, kun olin ?rsyyntynyt h?nen k?yt?ksest??n. (Jyrki Rantanen ja Eeva Humalam?ki olivat muita, jotka eiv?t auttaneet. ?Sun el?m?s voi muuttua paremmaksi my?hemmin. Se voi tapahtua vaikka mun i?ss?.?, j?lkimm?inen sanoi. ?T?st? paskasta ei ole ulosp??sy?.?, olin sanonut ?idist?ni, kiusaajistani ja Joenper?st?.) Joenper? ei puuttunut koulukiusaamiseen, vaan v?h?tteli sit? ja syyllisti minua siit?. ?Kaikkien kanssa t?ytyy tulla toimeen.? H?n suuttui, kun kutsuin Kiurua psykopaatiksi. ?Eli Leo saa vapaasti kiusata mua, mutta m? en saa kutsua h?nt? psykopaatiksi??, kysyin h?nelt?. ?Se on liian kova rangaistus!?, h?n jyrisi minulle. Ep?ilin h?nt? psykopaatiksi sen perusteella. ?Maailma ei ole reilu.?, h?n my?s sanoi minulle. ?Niin, koska sinunkaltaiset tekev?t siit? ep?reilun.?, vastasin h?nelle. Joenper? ehdotti koulun vaihtoa minulle. Kielt?ydyin ja sanoin ettei riitt?isi, ett? p??sisin eroon Kiurusta, vaan minun pit?isi p??st? eroon my?s ?idist?ni. ?Eli kaikki tai ei mit??n??, h?n sanoi ja j?tti asian siihen. Kukaan opettaja Nokianvirran koulussa ei osoittanut kiinnostusta kotiolojani ja ?iti?ni kohtaan sen j?lkeen, kun olin puhunut asiasta.

[Opettajat siis k?ytt?ytyiv?t samalla tavalla samassa tilanteessa, kun he olivat auttamatta minua kunnolla. Oliko se vain suomalaista kulttuuria ja kateuden tapaista? Mutta ei naisopettajalla ainakaan olisi pit?nyt olla syyt? kateuteen? Toinen, t?ysin hullu, selitys olisi esimerkiksi saatananpalvojiin (sekulaareja ateisteja el?m?ss? j?nnitt?v?ll? tavalla?) kuuluminen ja heid?n halunsa, toimintakaavansa, s??nt?ns? ja palkintoj?rjestelm?ns?? Saattoivatko opettajat jopa aiheuttaa minulle muistinmenetykseni? Tiesiv?tk? opettajat ennen tilannetta, ett? kukin tulisi toimimaan niin? Vai l?ysiv?tk? he sattumalta toisia saatananpalvojia? Kerroin opettajille jopa ep?ilev?ni tulleeni hypnotisoiduksi unohtamaan asioita. ?Eli hypnoosiakaan ei ole olemassa??, sanoin ?rsyyntyneen? Joenper?lle, kun h?n suorilta k?sin torjui ajatukseni. (Olin joutunut sanomaan samaa psykopaateista.) Miksei minua ohjattu hoitoon, jos kuulostin mielenterveysongelmaiselta? Kaikki heist? eiv?t my?sk??n vaikuttaneet pit?v?n puheitani ??rett?m?n kiinnostavina? Olin lis?ksi taatusti niin tosissani ja vakavissani kuin pystyin olemaan? Joenper? ehdotti ?itini jututtamista. Sanoin, ett? se johtaisi vain siihen, ett? he uskoisivat h?nen valheisiinsa, jotka h?n kertoisi tietyll? harjoitellulla ja vakuuttavalla ??nens?vyll??n. Sanoin my?s, etteiv?t he ottaneet minua vakavasti, koska kyse oli ?idist? eik? is?st?. Ja koska ?itini ei ollut alkoholisti, ja min? olin hyv?k?yt?ksinen, enk? esimerkiksi viillellyt itse?ni. Annoinko heille tekosyyn menem?ll?, mielest?ni teini-ik?iselt? ymm?rrett?v??n ja mist?h?n ikin? johtuneeseen, antagonisoivaan ?Ette auta mua kuitenkaan!? -tilaan?]

Jyrki Rantanen. Opettaja yl?koulussa. Kiusasi minua punastelusta ja j?nnitt?misest? oppitunnilla. ?Mik? sit? vaivaa??, h?n kyseli naureskellen muilta oppilailta. Tulin vihaiseksi ja sanoin: ?Hei Jyk?, haista vittu.? H?n suuttui ja sanoi, ett? h?nen tekisi mieli vet?? minua turpaan. ?Ai tekis vai? Mit? s? sanot poliiseille? ?Kiusasin oppilastani ja kun se puolustautui, l?in sit????, vastasin. Tilanne k?ytiin my?hemmin l?pi rehtorin kanssa ja Rantanen pyysi minulta anteeksi.

Mikko Aarnivala. Opettaja alakoulussa. Ei hankkinut minulle apua, kun kerroin h?nelle ja kouluterveydenhoitajalle hakanneeni ?iti?ni vy?ll? ja haluavani lastenkotiin. Olin t?ll?in alkanut muistaa osittain varhaislapsuuttani. ?Lastenkoti ei ole hyv? paikka sinulle ja mit? ikin? onkaan tapahtunut, teid?n t?ytyy tehd? sovinto.? Pyysin p??st? puhumaan ?psykologille tai jollekin?, mutta he eiv?t j?rjest?neet sellaista. He kysyiv?t onko ?itini hyv?ksik?ytt?nyt minua seksuaalisesti. Vastasin ett? ei. En muistanut. Kysyin turhautuneena, ett? eik? mill??n muulla sitten ole v?li?. Kerroin kuristaneeni ?iti?ni, kun h?n tuli jatkuvasti koputtamatta huoneeseeni ja vastasi kieltoihini hyvin ?rsytt?v?sti, ett? ?Ai tarvitseeko Juuso yksityisyytt???. ?Kuristitko s? kovaa??, terveydenhoitaja kysyi j?tt?en muun noteeraamatta. ?Niin kovaa kuin pystyin.?, kerroin. P??ni levisi, kun ahdinkoani ei otettu vakavasti. Kerroin kuinka ?itini oli huutanut minulle lapsena ja j?tt?nyt minut suojelematta. ?No tekeek? se sit? en????, Aarnivala haastoi minua. Asiakas- ja potilastiedoissani ei ole merkint?j? n?ist? tapaamisista, vaikka siell? jotain muuta kouluterveydenhoitajilta onkin. Aarnivala tuli k?ym??n meill? kotona ja sanoi, ettei siell? n?ytt?nyt niin pahalta kuin olin sanonut. H?n keskusteli kahden kesken ?itini kanssa. Kuulin ?itini kysyv?n h?nelt?, voitaisiinko asia pit?? koulun sis?isen?, koska ?yksinhuoltaja?itiin suhtaudutaan niin ennakkoluuloisesti sossussa?. Aarnivala my?s laittoi minut yl?kouluun samalle luokalle Tallgr?nin ja Kiurun kanssa saatesanoilla ?Saatte tehd? sovinnon.? Kyvyt?n tai haluton n?kem??n kiusaamisen ja riitelyn ero siis. ?S? luotat liikaa aikuisiin. Mikko on pedofiili.?, jo kuollut (H?nen naapurinsa ampui h?nt? kaksi kertaa p??h?n heid?n kerrostalonsa parkkipaikalla.), luokkatoverini Henri Koivisto sanoi minulle, kun olin alkanut kapinoida ?iti?ni vastaan. En tied?, miksi h?n sanoi niin.

Pentti Laukkanen. Opettaja alakoulussa. Kiusasi minua punastelusta muun muassa. ?Hyv? kun kiusaatte sit?.?, h?n sanoi Tallgr?nille, Kiurulle ja Arpulalle. H?n kertoi minun muistuttavan h?nen vanhaa vihollistaan. Laukkanen my?s otti minusta kiinni ja l?psi pakaroille Kiurun, Tallgr?nin ja Arpulan l?sn?ollessa ja mahdollisesti auttaessa. Uhkasin kostaa sen, kun h?n olisi puolustuskyvyt?n vanhus. Heid?n on t?ytynyt aiheuttaa minulle muistinmenetys sen j?lkeen.

Henri Koivisto. Ep?ilen, ett? h?n osallistui punasteluni aiheuttamiseen ala-asteella. ?Mink? v?rinen on paloauto??, h?n kerran kysyi minulta toistuvasti, enk? ymm?rt?nyt, mist? oli kyse. H?n kai sai minut tiedostamaan ensimm?isen kerran, ett? posket voivat tulla punaisiksi, ja sy?tti mieleeni ajatuksen, ett? se on jotain kauheaa, jota tulee h?vet?. (Opettaako joku t?llaisia temppuja lapsille?)

##. Kiusasi minua kai jotenkin, kun olin p?iv?koti-i?ss?. Ala-asteella ollessani h?n muistaakseni sanoi minulle: ?Tii?kk? miks m? en en?? kiusaa sua? Koska t?ss? i?ss? on mun kannalta parempi olla yst?v?llinen sua kohtaan.? Muisto tuntuu 99-prosenttisen varmalta. Nimesin h?net siksi noin.

Sukulaisiani muualta: Eini Malinen, Airi Malinen, Arvo Malinen, Matti Hakso. Todistivat ?itini hypnotisoivan minulle muistinmenetyksen Kolarissa, kun suoraan lastenkotiin menemisen sijaan (Tai siis sinne toisilla keinoilla p??semisen yritt?misen sijaan. Suunnittelin puukottavani ?iti?ni, mutta en pystynyt tekem??n sit?. Koivisto ehdotti kaupasta varastamista. Jos en j?isi kiinni, saisin ilmaista tavaraa ja jos j?isin kiinni, minut olisi pakko huostaanottaa. Torjuin ajatuksen, koska varastaminen oli minusta v??rin. Enk? my?sk??n mennyt puhumaan lastenkodin ty?ntekij?lle, kun Koivisto sit? ehdotti.) olin mennyt Aarnivalan ja ?itini ehdotuksesta ylim??r?iselle lomalle mummolaani. Pelk?sin ja ep?r?in lastenkotiin menemist?. Toivoin sijaisperheeseen p??sy?, mutta Aarnivalan mukaan niist? oli Nokialla pulaa ja ne oli tarkoitettu muille. Mummolassa Airi Malinen yritti taivutella minut olemaan menem?tt? lastenkotiin perustellen sen vain sanomalla: ?Sitten mek??n ei en?? n?hd? sinua?. Pysyin vahvistuneessa kannassani menn? lastenkotiin ja ?itini sanoi: ?M? aivopesen sen.? Eini Malinen kiusasi minua: ?Kohta s? et muista mit??n.? H?n oli my?s ollessani pikkulapsi todistanut ?itini hyv?ksik?ytt?v?n minua. Automatkalla Nokialle ?itini sanoi minulla olleen ?aurinkoinen lapsuus?. ?Oliko??, sanoin ja uskoin sen. Myllyhaan koulussa luokkani pojat kyseliv?t, mit? sukulaiseni olivat tehneet minulle. En en?? halunnut lastenkotiin, vaan olin kuin mit??n ei olisi ikin? tapahtunutkaan. Tallgr?n oppitunnin alussa Aarnivalalle: ?Ne aivopesi sen.? Aarnivala vastasi: ?Sitten aivopesi! P??asia ett? tekee l?ksyns?.? Olin aiemmin protestina lopettanut l?ksyjen tekemisen, kunnes p??sisin lastenkotiin.

?itini antoi my?hemmin merkkej?, joita en muistamattomana tajunnut, siit? ett? h?n tiedosti t?ysin, mit? oli tehnyt minulle ja oli tyytyv?inen tilanteeseen. Lukioi?ss? ollessani kotona hyppytunnilla h?n kysyi, mik? tunti minulla oli seuraavaksi. Vastasin ett? psykologian. H?n sanoi siihen vain hykerrellen: ?Oidipuskompleksi.? Kerran TV:ss? kerrottiin Fritzlin tapauksesta. ?Oonkohan m?kin noin sairas??, ?itini sanoi. Toisella kerralla TV:ss? kerrottiin Ahon hallituksen leikkauksista 90-luvun lamassa ja ?itini sanoi el?m?ni menneen pilalle niiden takia. H?n siis tiedosti el?m?ni olevan hyvin huonoa ja mahdollisesti viittasi siihen, kuinka minua ei saatu pikkulapsena pelastettua h?nelt? (h?nest? ehk? vai tuskin lamaleikkausten takia). Minulla ei ollut tapana katsoa televisiota ?itini kanssa, mutta vilkaisin sit? usein eteisest?mme poistuttuani huoneestani, jossa normaalisti vietin l?hes kaiken aikani. ?Oon m? saanut sen nyt s??lim??n mua.?, kuulin ?itini sanovan puhelimessa siskolleen Eini Maliselle (H?n oli l?heisiss? v?leiss? vain t?m?n kanssa, puhui t?lle aina tietyll? tavalla, eik? h?n juuri soitellut muille.), kun olin yl?astei?ss?. Minulla oli silloin vaihe, jolloin s??lin h?nt?, koska h?n teki kahta ty?t?. Vajosin v?lill? pit?m??n el?m??ni normaalina unohtaen kaiken, mit? siit? puuttui.

[Kiusasin itse ala-astei?ss? my?s er?st? poikaa jonkin aikaa koulun ulkopuolella. Ennen sit? Amir Bardo sanoi n?ytt?v?ns? minulle, mit? sadismi on, ja saavansa minut kiusaamaan h?nt?. Rajuin kiusaamistilanne oli h?nen houkuttelemisensa juomaan purovett? sanomalla sen olevan ?taikavett??. Daniel Bardo oli siell? veljens? kanssa ja sanoi minun nyt tiet?v?n millaista on kiusata. Kiusasin, koska se tuntui hyv?lt?. Ihminen voi olla vaikka miss? tilassa. En saanut aloittaa el?m??ni viisaana ja hyv?n?.

P?iv?koti-i?ss? kiusasin toisen pojan kanssa h?nen velje??n. Laitoimme h?net leikkipuistossa vaijeriradan renkaan kyytiin jotenkin niin, ett? h?nen p??ns? raapaisi matkalla maata. Tapahtunut yll?tti ja s?ik?ytti minut. Pyysin h?nt? tekem??n minulle jotain kostoksi ja olemaan kertomatta vanhemmilleen tapahtuneesta, jotta ?itini ei saisi tiet?? eik? suuttuisi minulle. H?n ei muistaakseni tehnyt minulle mit??n. ?itini sai tiet?? ja katumus ei ikin? riitt?nyt h?nelle? Toisella veljell? oli tapana kiusata my?s minua. ?S? kiusaat ite!?, Harhala p??si sanomaan ja tekeytym??n oikeamieliseksi tekojeni my?t?.

Ala-astei?ss? ryhdyin muutaman kerran koulumatkalla heittelem??n yht? luokkani poikaa lumihankeen wrestling-tyylill?, vaikka h?n pyysi olemaan tekem?tt? niin. Daniel Bardo oli tehnyt samaa minulle. Se vain nousi minusta. Annoin Arpulalle tekosyyn ?puolustaa? kyseist? poikaa. H?n lienee ollut l?sn? yll?mainituissa pukuhuonetilanteissa, luultavasti tiesi muistinmenetyksist?ni ja oli my?s ala-asteella kerran ?Leon puolella?. {Yhdell? v?litunnilla yl?asteella h?n alkoi puhua ?rsytt?v?sti parodisella romaniaksentilla eik? lopettanut, vaikka pyysin? H?n on uskoakseni etniselt? taustaltaan osittain romani. En ikin? huomannut sit? lapsena.}

Ala-astei?ss? kiusasin hiukan yht? serkkuani h?nen veljens? kanssa. He my?s kuristivat minut tajuttomaksi ja muistittomaksi kerrottuaan heid?n vanhempiensa hyv?ksik?ytt?neen heit? seksuaalisesti. He eiv?t olleet valmiita k??ntym??n vanhempiaan vastaan. Kerran ala-astei?ss? pakastin kalastamiamme kaloja el?v?n? h?nen veljens? kanssa makaaberia tai sadistista nautintoa tuntien. Se oli minun ideani. Kaduin sit? my?hemmin el?m?ni pahimpana tekona.

Kerran alakoului?ss? joku naapurustoni pojista heitteli keppej? minua vanhemman kehitysvammaisen pojan polkupy?r?n pinnojen v?liin. Menin mukaan ja kaadoin t?m?n. H?nelle ei onneksi k?ynyt pahasti.

P?iv?koti-i?ss? kiusasin kissaamme pelottelemalla sit?. K??rin sen peittoon, jotta se ei voisi raapia minua, ja pelottelin sit? karjumalla ja irvistelem?ll?. Sen j?lkeen lopetin ja rauhoittelin sit?. Ja sitten j?rkytin kissan perusteellisesti tekem?ll? saman uudelleen. ?itini oli k?ytt?ytynyt vastaavalla tavalla minua kohtaan. Samoin naapurustoni kiusaajat. Muistan Amir Bardon luvanneen olla kaverini tai lopettaa kiusaamiseni, jos alkaisin kiusata kissaamme, mutta olinkin jo tehnyt sit?. (My?hemmin kyseinen kissa hy?kk?si kimppuuni ja raapi p??ni arville, kun olin mennyt silitt?m??n sen pentuja sen nukkuessa.)

?itini, sukulaiseni, naapurini, luokkatoverini, opettajani, terveydenhoitokontaktini? Pahuus siis vy?ryi el?m??ni montaa reitti?. Mutta oliko sill? kaikella yhteinen alkul?hde?

Ala-astei?ss? v?lill? kiusasin ja olin ilke? my?s toiselle serkulleni. Minua usein ?rsytti, kuinka ?itini oli yst?v?llisempi h?nt? kuin minua kohtaan. Kerran rikoin h?nen leijansa, jota olimme monta p?iv?? lenn?tt?neet yhdess?. Ilkeys vain nousi minusta. Olen my?hemmin ep?illyt h?nenkin ?itins? olleen ?zombi?. Minulla oli my?s n?yn kaltainen kokemus t?st? serkustani, jonka voisi tulkita viestitt?v?n h?nenkin muuttuneen my?hemmin k?velev?ksi kuolleeksi. Pyrkiik?h?n joku h?vitt?m??n sukuni?]

Lis?? luokkatovereitani peruskoulusta ja lukiosta: Juho Koskela, Lassi Savilahti (Aikaisemmin muistin h?nen sukunimens? v??rin ”Savitaipaleeksi”.), Rasmus Sainmaa, Juuso M?enp??, Joni Salminen, Joni Virolainen, Joni Savolainen, Sini Saarinen, Marika Mansikkam?ki, Anette St?hl, Katja Ylitalo, Krista Tuomela, Sonja Aivio, Niia Neuvonen, Crista Hyri?inen, Emma V?lim?ki, Marjo Tanner, Henna Tuominen, Eveliina Naulo, Mikko Syd?nmaa.

Muita nimi? menneisyydest?ni:

Hannu Westenius. Kirurgi. Teki luultavasti turhan polvileikkauksen minulle Nokialla vuonna 2011. K?ytt?ytyi j?lkik?teen arvioiden mielest?ni hiukan erikoisesti konsultaatiok?ynnill? ennen leikkausta sanellessaan tietoja ??neen tietokoneelle l?sn?ollessani. Olen ep?illyt sit? perseilyksi tai ?jutkuiluksi?, ehk? Twin Peaks -viittaukseksi. Siin? voisi olla samaa kuin muualla blogissa mainitussa vihre?ss? poliisin takissa. He kai vain haluavat tehd? tuollaista?

Tiina Salo. Psykiatri. Haki vimmatusti skitsofreniadiagnoosia minulle olemukseni perusteella hyvin lyhyiden y?unieni j?lkeen Tampereella vuonna 2016 tai 2017. ”T?ss? on nyt muutakin!” h?n sanoi vastaanotolla. Saattoikohan kyse olla jostain muusta kuin vilpitt?m?st? terveyteni arvioinnista?

Laura Johanna L?hteenmaa. Psykiatri. Antoi minulle skitsofreniadiagnoosin Nokialla 2021 ja mielest?ni hylk?si huumepsykoosin toisena mahdollisena diagnoosina kuin v?h?n liian t?hdellisen? asiana h?nelle. (En ole varma minua hoitaneiden l??k?rien ty?njaosta, ja diagnoosistani eniten vastuussa oleva henkil? saattaa olla Laura Kristiina Ruotsi. Muistan h?nest? parhaiten h?nen oudon infantilisoivan puhetapansa ja ??nens?vyns? h?nen kysyess??n minulta ”Kuinka Juuso nyt sellaista on tehnyt?”, kun vastasin h?nen kysymykseens? huumeidenk?yt?st?. P?ivitys 6.2.2026: L??k?rien ty?njaon voi kyll? mielest?ni ep?ill? olevan oikeasti toisenlainen kuin minulle kerrottaisiin, joten t?ss? muutama miesl??k?ri lis?? potilastiedoistani ja vastauksista hoitoani koskeviin valituksiin: Pekka Salmela (Tampereen sosiaali- ja terveyspalvelut 2017), Boris Karpov (HUS 2024), Jari-Pekka Klemettil? (Pirkanmaan hyvinvointialue 2024), Marko Kataja (Pirkanmaan hyvinvointialue 2024). Tapaamieni l??k?rien voi mielest?ni ep?ill? hy?k?nneen minua kohtaan alkuper?ni takia, ja kuuluvan organisaatioon, joka p??tti vanhempieni olemassaolon ja pyrkii tekem??n saman minulle. He ovat joko maksimaalisen pahoja ihmisi? tai sellaisten vankeja. J?lkimm?isess? tapauksessa hy?kk?ykset minua kohtaan vain kulkevat heid?n kauttaan.)

Johanna Heinonen. L??k?ri. Teki minusta pakkohoitol?hetteen Tampereella huhtikuussa 2021 vanhan Structures of Reality -nimisen blogini pohjalta, jossa olin my?s ep?illyt juutalaisia pahoiksi, nimennyt koulukiusaajiani ja kertonut uskovani vapaan tahdon olemassaoloon.

P?ivitys 20.1.2026: Onkohan kukaan omaan ik?luokkaani kuuluvista listan henkil?ist? en?? olemassa? Osan somek?yt?s on mielest?ni hiukan liian erikoista eli kyse lienee zombeista. Ihmiset j?rjestell??n Suomessa ikuiseen kadotukseen uskoakseni yleens? lapsuudessa se aloittamalla. Osa lapsista kasvatetaan pahoiksi ja l?hetet??n hyvien lasten kimppuun, mink? j?lkeen he l?htev?t n?iden per?ss? ikuiseen kadotukseen. Toiminta ehk? kokonaisuudessaan kehystet??n saatananpalvonnaksi, ja suurin osa lapsista on mukana ensisijaisesti juutalaistoiminnan kautta, ja osa pelk?st??n tai niin pelk?st??n kuin mahdollista saatananpalvojina. Osalla suomalaisista juutalaisten alij?senist? kai on toisia enemm?n kavereita Israelissa, ja lasten yhteensopivuus juutalaisuuden kanssa varmaan mitataan.

Monikohan listan henkil?ist? oli jonkun toisen juutalaisten goy-j?senen lapsiseksipalkinto? Kun summaan yhteen l?himenneisyyteni poliisihavainnot ja kaksi muistoa kohtaamisista poliisin kanssa lapsuudessani ? toinen kodissani ennen kouluik?? ja toinen luokkahuoneessa ala-asteella niin, ett? osa yll?olevan listan henkil?ist? oli l?sn? ? en voi v?ltty? ajatukselta, ett? kaikki t?m? tapahtuu Suomen poliisin valvovan silm?n ja organisatorisen osaamisen alaisena. Suomen poliisi on joko kokonaan juutalaisten hallinnassa tai se sis?lt?? my?s heid?n suomalaisj?sentens? itsen?isyyspyrkimyksi?. T?st? kaikesta voi p??tell?, kuinka hyvin mik??n n?iden kysymysten k?sittelyyn pyrkiv? toiminta Suomessa voi onnistua. Kukaan muu kuin poliisi ei kai esimerkiksi tutki rikoksia Suomessa. Olen ep?illyt, ett? Suomi ei ehk? ole oikeasti itsen?inen valtio vaan yh? Ruotsin osa. Kaksi huonoa asiaa voisivat t?ss? tapauksessa sulkea toisensa osittain pois, eik? poliisi ehk? saa kaikkia Suomen toimintoja hallintaansa ? s?hk?postiliikenteen se kyll? saa. Se olisi tietenkin alku, mutta mist? l?yt?? t?nne taho, joka voisi teloittaa suomalaisia poliiseja ? ja mieluiten h?kiss? el?v?lt? polttamalla?

{Varo juutalaishuijausta Dajjalin tyydytt?misest? ? kaikesta on muutenkin aina my?s juutalaisversio ? sek? onnea yritykseen l?yt?? juutalaisiin kuulumaton ruotsalainen?}

My Bullies From ?90s & ?00s Nokia, Finland and What Happened to Me

Amir Bardo. Forced me to eat a spider at kindergarten age among other acts. (I remember how we were in a playhouse and he said he would not let me leave if I wouldn?t eat it. I don?t remember properly what happened next. He probably shoved it in my mouth. I remember my mother telling me years later that he had done such a thing to me.) Invaded my home with his brother once during those years, locked the bathroom door so that my mother couldn?t get there and stuffed feces in my mouth. At another time, he shoved cat feces from the litter box to my mouth. When I was in kindergarten age, he kicked me in the testicles. (I remember my mother taking me to a doctor for a checkup after it and me complaining about no one doing anything to Bardo. There is no entry about this in my medical records.) Bardo also told me he had raped me when we were small children. I don?t remember that event well. A (bad) friendship developed between us at primary school age. At junior high school age I tried to cut ties with him. He became mad and taught my school bullies below, Leo Kiuru and Juuso Rauhala, how to hypnotize me. Bardo himself had previously inferfered with my life with hypnosis. ?If I can?t have you, then no one will,? he said during one situation at primary school age. Bardo told me they had hypnotized me into depression following his instructions. ?Wouldn?t it have been better to be my friend?? he said to me. I was, at least, hypnotized at junior high school (Nokianvirta School) to forget events that had raised my self-esteem and well-being. Once, as Bardo was bullying me, I asked him how he would feel, if someone did the same to him. He answered: ?But no one does. So what does it have to do with this? Why do people keep asking that?? Bardo and his brother watched that I wouldn?t remember and reveal that their mother (Aila Lappalainen) had sexually abused me as a small child. He didn?t want me to remember that my mother had sexually abused me either, if I would call the police. (A couple of situations about this that ended with memory loss for me happened.) Bardo told me he is a sadist when we were at school age. At kindergarten age he told me he worships Satan. I have a memory from early childhood of he giving me an eating disorder by hypnotically making food taste bad to me. ?(Then you?ll get to always eat your favorite food,? I remember he saying to make me more receptive to it. I liked only fish sticks and grated carrots after that. Potatoes made me vomit. My mother took me at least once to the Nokia health-care centre because I didn?t eat. As usual, there isn?t a single entry about this topic in my medical records.)

Janne Harhala. For example, kept hold of me when Bardo?s brother, the now-dead (Or that?s what they told me, at least.) Daniel Bardo, kicked me in the knee so that it dislocated. I was 4 or 5 and he two years older. Physically attacked me repeatedly with the Bardo brothers when I was playing alone outside. At primary school age (There was a ?bad friendship? between us too.) I asked him why he had done it and he answered without seeming like he had changed: ?It was fun. You didn?t resist at all.? Once he bullied me: ?You don?t know what we did to you as children.? ?Who has taught you how to hit on women!?? Harhala once roughed me up mad and jealous, when I was at primary school age. ?You don?t panic anymore,? he said to me during one situation. I remember that Bardo, at least, caused me panic attacks when I was a small child ? he shocked me by revealing his evilness ? and apparently Harhala took part in it too. He had a habit of burning ants with a magnifying glass at elementary school age. I joined him at it at least once.

(My single parent mother, Elna Malinen, didn?t get me help because she was afraid I would get fostered. I heard her say that on the phone. She didn?t take care of my well-being at all and apparently saw me as her property that she didn?t want to give up. ?Quit your whining!? she yelled at me when I wanted to be with my friends at the kindergarten. She studied for a high school diploma and entrance exams as a 40-year-old when I was tormented outside. She didn?t do well and later became a janitor and a newspaper carrier. Malinen sexually abused me a few times when I was at kindergarten and primary school age. Afterwards she hypnotized me to forget it. She was also a hoarder. I was ashamed of my home and felt like I couldn?t bring anyone there. I also have memories of being in a child protection process, but there are no mentions of it in my medical records. According to my memories, my mother also told me as an older child that there was an attempt to take me into custody. ?But me and (my godmother) Anne went and got you out of there,? she said. I don?t know if something like that can happen. One related memory of mine is my mother holding a box of candy and coaxing me to come back home from some sort of facility. Once at primary school age, after returning home, my mother asked me angrily if I had talked to girls because my face was red. She said she didn?t like it when I asked what was wrong with it and felt confused.)

Severi Lehtonen. Intentionally pulled down a shelf so that it fell on my head at primary school age.

Teemu Keskitalo. Among other things shot me in the eye with an airsoft gun. Hit me on the eyelid, thankfully. Found out that my mother had sexually abused and bullied me about it relentlessly. ?Go fuck your mother.? (I didn?t believe it.)

Leo Kiuru. A bully from primary school (Myllyhaka School) to high school. ?If you expose me as an adult, I?ll just pretend to have changed,? he told me at a hallway of Nokia High School. He at primary school: ?If you tell the teacher, all of us other boys will just deny it. You won?t get anyone to testify.? To the other boys in the junior high school locker room about his actions in primary school: ?I tried to destroy him at primary school already but girls started to defend him.? He mocked me at Nokianvirta School after hypnotizing me: ?He doesn?t remember. Let?s not remind him.? & ?He obviously thinks he?s ugly.? I didn?t understand what he was talking about, but I did feel ugly. He (with others, I guess) also hypnotized me to forget my situation with the girl S. I had decided to start dating her. Later, she became mad at the amnesic me and gave her virginity to one of my bullies without knowing what they had done to me. ?Amir?s plan worked perfectly,? Kiuru said about S to me and a group of boys at Nokia High School when he was bullying me about what had happened. ?S is my friend on Facebook!? he said and jeered that she didn?t know what had happened. Amnesia as a trauma reaction ensued for me; I probably partially did it to myself to escape the shock. Kiuru told me he would try to turn others against me at high school. There he also caused me a panic attack (which lead to amnesia) by saying: ?Guess who?s also a psychopath? Your mother.? He also said: ?We made you depressed. You won?t take a girl from anyone anymore.? Kiuru?s mother was in the parents? association and knew her son was a psychopath or similar and bullied me. She, however, didn?t monitor the situation. ?The only solution to this situation is to make you two friends. Leo is like that.? ? or phrased slightly differently ? I was told at early stage of primary school, as Kiuru started to bully me even before girls became infatuated with me. (The same applies to some of the other citations in this post. Some sentences I remember word for word and some not quite. I do remember the core content of the verbal exchanges clearly, though.)

Henri Tallgr?n. Got mad and said he would lose the interest of girls after I had called him crooked in their presence at primary school. Caused me to start blushing somehow on fourth grade. (By embarrassing me, I guess.) ?It?s in your nervous system and you?ll never get rid of it!? he said. (I suspect and dimly remember that he embarrassed me by telling everyone in the classroom that I had slept in the same bed with my mother. I did that for some time then ? usually with my feet toward the opposite direction than my mother ? without seeing it as strange if I didn?t stop to think about it. I suspect that was done to me, too, with hypnosis or mind control methods similar to hypnosis like some of my memory losses and some of my sexual abuse by my mother. (Once or twice as a small child I didn?t understand at all, or almost at all, what was happening, and once I was asleep. I thought my mother was ugly and as an older child I had an understanding of what sex was. Because of that I don?t believe it was ever consensual and conscious like with Lappalainen ? respect was missing then too though to put it mildly. I also remember rejecting my mother?s suggestions of sex in a shocked state. I may have told her that she is my mother in addition to calling her ugly. My memories of other sexual abuse situations with my mother are hazy and she must have been able to cause them by some other method.) I remember my mother coaxing me to return when I had left for my bed or had gone to sleep in it and possibly even succeeding.) He bullied me a lot about it at primary school and junior high school. I suspect some adult had taught him how to do it. Took delight and pride in causing me suffering: ?? and then you start blushing.? ?He?s afraid of fighting,? he and Miiko Jokipii laughed in the hallway of Nokianvirta School. Tallgr?n?s mother was in the parents? association, too, and knew he bullied me. ?Bullying him doesn?t work, if he remembers he?s the favorite of girls,? Tallgr?n said at primary school. ?Forgive us or we?ll continue bullying you,? he said of him and Kiuru in the last days of primary school. I refused and said: ?Then, you?ll continue.? In junior high school, he knew about me getting hypnotized and what happened with S and said he didn?t take part in it at all.

##2. Didn?t accept girls liking me more than him in primary school. Took part in bullying me because of this with all the other boys in my class. ?All the boys are on my side,? LK was able to bully me in the third grade, I believe. ?You don?t get braces because you?re afraid we?ll bully you. We achieved to make you uglier,? ##2 told me. He was in the same junior high school and high school with me and didn?t show regret. (Edited on July 9, 2024: Name changed because the memories do not feel quite one hundred percent certain. I would bet on their truth, but I couldn?t swear in court it happened. And his non-intervention in the type of bullying he witnessed, alone?)

Markus Aaltonen. A bully in primary school. He was often friendly towards me, but was, in reality, a bully and on the side of the bullies. He usually left direct bullying for others. Looked at me and sneered after an art class my mother had taught as a substitute had ended. I had spent a big part of the class leaning my head against the desk with my fingers in my ears and my eyes closed. I was that ashamed of my mother. He bullied me once in a P.E. class in elementary school in the sauna of the Nokia public indoor swimming pool for not knowing how to swim.

Juuso Rauhala. ?I will destroy your self-esteem,? he told me at Nokianvirta School. Sprinted and kicked me as a surprise attack causing me to hit my head on the floor in a school corridor. At Nokia High School he bullied me about my depression with spittle flying saying my hippocampus will shrink and I will eventually commit suicide. Knew that my mother had sexually abused me, but instead of helping, bullied me about it. ?You live in a hell, but you don?t know it.? I didn?t understand what he was talking about. Rauhala practiced judo and knew how to choke me unconscious (yet another way to cause me amnesia) in the locker room at Nokianvirta School. Got mad at junior high school, when I told about one bullying incident (He let me listen to his MP3 player and then put it at maximum volume. He said he did it so that I would get tinnitus and would never again be able to enjoy silence.) to a girl he was infatuated with. She apparently became cold towards him after realizing what he was like. ?You took N from me!? He said he would destroy my life as a revenge with the help of Bardo. I bullied Rauhala myself in the first or second grade by calling him fat. A person who is not completely evil can bully and a person who is completely evil can get bullied? ?Do you know why girls left you alone? Because we bully you,? Rauhala told me at eighth grade and was happy about it. (One girl had said it was better to do so because otherwise they would all get infatuated with me. Another said I would be in trouble with boys otherwise.) ?We only pretend to be friendly towards you during classes,? he told me during a ninth grade Finnish class. When Kiuru, for some reason, tried to finally tell me, without a bullying intention, at high school that my mother had sexually abused me (?Don?t kill me when you remember,? he said.), Rauhala once intervened: ?No! He can?t become free!? He also jeered at high school that he had made me depressed and that I wasn?t interested in sex because of that. ?You will miss out on youth. We will live it,? Rauhala said there.

Valtteri Pirisjoki. Bullied me with Rauhala at Nokia High School. They once confronted me in a hallway and Rauhala said: ?Valtteri is better than you at philosophy. And the biggest ladies? man in the school. It could be you instead.?

Matias Ruotsalainen. Bullied and bothered me with some mean words at Nokia High School. He gave me getting one of my bullies, his friend, expelled from there as the reason for it. I had done something unfair according to him. These people have a different sense of justice.

Lassi Lehtonen. Confronted me in a Nokia High School hallway after I had debunked him and the right wing in a philosophy class by saying there are rich people in Finland too. Knew something about my situation with my classmates from lower stages of education and asked me with hostility, if I thought it was right to expose psychopaths. ?How do you know I?m not a psychopath?? he asked me. I said that then he probably is.

Atte Toivonen. A bully in kindergarten (Other kids also bullied me there and some adults too in addition to typically not intervening properly at least. I was once pushed to the ground there so that I landed on face, my nose started bleeding and I was taken to a healthcare centre. The group of boys somehow got me to say that I had fell, but my mother didn?t believe it. I met many of my future school bullies there as bullies, Markus Aaltonen (Edit October 8, 2024: I don?t have a crystal clear memory of a situation in which Aaltonen would have bullied me in daycare. I remember him being amused when I refused to eat and fought with the daycare workers. I took it as sympathetic attitude towards me. Could it have been something else when all the later events and the overall picture is taken into account?) and Juuso Rauhala at least, in addition to Toivonen. {A memory or a false memory from elementary school of the words of one of my bullies: ?We didn?t even know why we bullied you in daycare. We were just told to do so.? Did the adults, who possibly coordinated my bullying, allow a ?period of organic bullying? when it was about the attention of girls at school.}) and junior high school. He proudly to other boys in the Nokianvirta School locker room: ?I bullied him in kindergarten.? Bullied or tried to bully me about my mouth that stays open when completely relaxed. (When I was a small child, my mother once asked me to keep my mouth closed during a health check-up, so that this malady wouldn?t get noticed. She didn?t want to hear complaints about child-rearing and housekeeping, I guess.) Once at junior high school, Toivonen pushed me and when I defended myself, he tried to kick me in the groin.

Jesse Arpula. Bullied me for about two years in primary school attacking me physically every once in a while. For example, assaulted me from behind, pushed me over and pressed my head on the ground so that my nose crackled. Tallgr?n and Kiuru cheered him to bully me. Arpula tried to feign being a good guy when bullying me and sometimes sought for a pseudo-justification for his actions in me having bullied too. A girl in our class had, after a convoluted series of events, promised to have sex with him if he started to bully me. (Kiuru told me that he and the other boys bullied me because the girls in our class were infatuated with me. He said they would not start going out with them because of this. Someone had caused me to forget my position. He said they would stop bullying me if I took the girl as my girlfriend or insulted her. I chose the latter. I went and called her a whore following Kiuru?s instructions. I was not infatuated with her and I didn?t remember how she had been helpful to me in the past. And I had forgotten my past sexual experiences. (There were a few with girls too.) I also got mad at her after one girl in our class told me she had forbidden the rest of them from speaking to me. Arpula told me on one occasion that he didn?t bully me because I had insulted her even though he pretended so. He possibly (not a 100% certain memory) also told everyone not to tell the girl the reason I had insulted her after possibly hearing about it only later and lied to her later that he didn?t know. (Edit 10. January 2024: A memory of Arpula roughing me up and demanding not to tell the girl feels just about crystal clear. Later the girl insisted me to tell her whether he had been there when Kiuru told me to insult her. I didn?t remember and couldn?t answer. Arpula also appeared there and denied it. Whether he had heard about it later wasn?t talked about. I don?t remember Arpula commenting to me about the topic and the possible surprise to him at all. He had also spent a lot of time with Kiuru and Tallgr?n then?) Kiuru didn?t keep his promise to stop bullying me at all. The situation lasted long and I kept forgetting how it had begun. Someone was probably causing me memory loss. Once or twice I understood I had been entrapped but I couldn?t admit it to myself fully. I attacked the girl verbally instead of telling her what had happened.)

Matti Haapanen. A bully in elementary school. I told him in the lobby of the school dentist that I had told the dentist I was already the most popular boy in the class when she had tried to talk me into getting orthodontics by saying girls would like me more. Haapanen started pushing me and demanded me to say I wasn?t the favorite of girls. ?I?m good looking for real unlike you,? he said to me another time.

Mika Kivimaa. Got angry in junior high school when his girlfriend had a crush on me and left him. I apologized but Kiuru egged him on: ?He?s proud of it.? He knew memories were taken from me. ?He took A from me!? Kivimaa said when his brother tried to make him not join in bullying me.

Samuli Ahonen. Bullied me with the others in junior high school when I was caused memory loss. I thoughtlessly bullied him myself somewhat in primary school. But thankfully he was not a good person then either. I found only bad company in which I drifted with a fogged up mind and went haywire sometimes. Ahonen liked Nazis in junior high school. And he didn?t think Jews are evil, I believe. ?We won?t leave you alone,? he said after I told him and Rauhala to do so in eighth grade. They had left me alone aiming to hurt me, but after my life only got better then as I got in contact with girls again, they started to bully me. ?Atte bullies you,? he bullied me in junior high school. I was ashamed of being bullied then.

Jonne Karru. Grabbed me by my shirt at junior high school when I solved IQ puzzles better than him in math class. ?You are not smarter than me!? Told me at primary school that he doesn?t bully, but is selfish. Belonged to boys who seemingly weren?t on my side or on Kiuru?s side and were friendly towards me too. I don?t know what to think about his attempts to help me that seem lacking. He, for example, told me to get an antidepressant medication at junior high school. Knew about me getting hypnotized.

Miiko Jokipii. Present and bullying when Rauhala choked me unconscious in the junior high school locker room, for example. He and other boys got annoyed, when instigaged by Kiuru, at me sitting with girls during recesses and making them laugh. ?You are a bastard? and ?Society doesn?t progress if men like you take the women,? he told me and said he would become a doctor. ?You think I wanna be a doctor to help people?? he said when we talked about it in the changing room. He saw the Holocaust as an exciting thing. ?Juuso, do you know what ?the robbery of S? means?? he asked me alluding to the girl who was taken from me in a strange way. I didn?t understand at all what he was talking about. Jokipii studied at Nokia High School, didn?t show remorse and took part in at least one hostile hallway situation in which my bullying history and memory were talked about.

Markku Joenper?. My homeroom teacher in junior high school. Just grinned and didn?t help when I told him and other teachers that I suspected my mother had sexually abused me and was a psychopath. I told them that I didn?t remember the sexual abuse but felt my mother was gross. ?Oh, so she?s a psychopath too??, ?It?s not believable that your mother is like that? and ?Surely this isn?t about Juuso not wanting to do housework?? Joenper? backtalked and questioned me as if reflexively. ?Do you notice anything strange in Markku? You others listen solemnly and he?s grinning,? I told the other teachers. (My bullies probably caused me memory loss after I had talked to the teachers. Kiuru and Rauhala were constantly after me in the school hallways. I didn?t get a chance to think about my situation. My mother may have done it too. She was able to get me from sleep to hypnosis and asked me what had happened at school. I hated her and didn?t normally speak to her but under hypnosis I trusted everyone.) One of the teachers tried to help me by giving me a telephone counseling number on a slip of paper. At home, my mother searched my backpack and confiscated it from me. ?Who gave you this number?? she asked me when I was asleep. (I wonder how she knew to do it. I don?t believe she searched my backpack every day.) ?I don?t feel like helping you,? Joenper? told me after I had got annoyed at his behavior. (Jyrki Rantanen and Eeva Humalam?ki were others who didn?t help. ?Your life may get better later. It might happen at my age,? the latter said. ?There?s no escape from this shit,? I had said about my mother, my bullies and Joenper?. Joenper? didn?t intervene in bullying and instead downplayed it and blamed me for it. ?We need to get along with others.? He got mad when I called Kiuru a psychopath. ?So Kiuru can freely bully me but I can?t call him a psychopath?? I asked him. ?That?s punishing him too much!? he thundered at me. I suspected Joenper? was a psychopath too based on that. ?The world isn?t fair,? he also told me. ?Yeah, because people like you make it unfair,? I answered. Joenper? suggested that I switched schools. I turned down the idea and said it wouldn?t be enough to get Kiuru out of my life because I needed to get rid of my mother too. ?So it?s all or nothing?? he said and left it there. No teacher at Nokianvirta School showed interest in my home situation or my mother after I had talked about it.

[So the teachers behaved the same way in the same situation when they didn?t help me properly. Was it just Finnish culture and jealousy or something similar? But would a female teacher have had a reason for jealousy? Another, completely crazy, explanation would be that they were ?Satan worshipers? (secular atheists living in an exciting way?) and that they have their desires, an operating model, rules and a reward system? Could it even have been the teachers who caused me the memory loss? Did the teachers know before the situation that each of them would act like that? Or did they find other Satan worshipers by coincidence? I even told the teachers I suspected I had got hypnotized to forget things. ?So hypnosis doesn?t exist either?? I annoyedly asked Joenper? when he immediately rebutted my thought. (I had had to say the same about psychopaths.) Why didn?t they get me a healthcare appointment if I sounded like I had mental health issues? Not all of them seemed to find what I had said terribly interesting either? In addition, I was as serious as I could be? Joenper? suggested that they?d talk to my mother. I said all that would lead to would be they believing her lies, which she would tell in a particular rehearsed and convincing tone of voice. I also said they didn?t take me seriously because it was about a mother and not about a father. And because my mother wasn?t an alcoholic and I behaved well and didn?t cut myself, for example. Did I give them an excuse by going into an antagonistic state of thinking along the lines of ?You?re not gonna help me anyway!?? (Understandable for a teenager, I feel, and caused by who knows what.)]

Jyrki Rantanen. A teacher in junior high school. Bullied me about blushing and being nervous during class. ?What?s wrong with him?? he laughingly asked the other students. I got mad and said: ?Hey Jyrki, go fuck yourself!? He got mad and said he wanted to punch me in the face. ?Oh you feel like that. What are you going to say to the police? ?I bullied my student and when he backtalked, I punched him.??? I answered. We later went over the situation with the principal and Rantanen apologized me.

Mikko Aarnivala. A teacher in primary school. Didn?t get me help when I told him and the school nurse that I had beaten my mother with a belt and wanted to get into a children?s home. ?A children?s home is not the right place for you and whatever has happened, you need to make up.? I asked to get to talk to ?a psychologist or someone? but they didn?t arrange that. They asked me if my mother had sexually abused me. I said no. I didn?t remember. I frustratedly asked if nothing else mattered. I told them I had choked my mother when she repeatedly came into my room without knocking and answered my protests by saying in a very annoying manner: ?Oh, does Juuso need privacy?? ?Did you choke her hard?? the nurse asked me not paying attention to the rest of the story. ?As hard as I could,? I answered. My brain melted as my plight wasn?t taken seriously. I told them how my mother had yelled at me and left me unprotected as a child. ?Well, does she still do it?? Aarnivala challenged me. There are no mentions of these meetings in my medical records, even though they include some entries by the school nurses. Aarnivala visited my home and said it didn?t look as bad as I had said. He talked privately with my mother. I heard my mother ask him if the matter could be kept within the school because ?the social services people are so prejudiced towards single mothers?. Aarnivala put me in the same class with Tallgr?n and Kiuru in high school and said we need to make up. This means he was incapable or unwilling to see the difference between bullying and quarrelling. ?You trust adults too much. Mikko is a pedophile,? my now-dead (His neighbor shot him twice in the head in the parking lot of their apartment building.) classmate Henri Koivisto said to me when I had started to rebel against my mother. I don?t know why he said that.

Pentti Laukkanen. A teacher in primary school. Bullied me about blushing among other things. ?It?s good that you bully him,? he told Tallgr?n, Kiuru and Arpula. He said I resembled his old enemy. Laukkanen also grabbed me and spanked me on my buttocks in the presence and possibly with the help of Kiuru, Tallgr?n and Arpula. I threatened to retaliate when he?s a defenseless old man. Memory loss caused by them must have ensued.

Henri Koivisto. I suspect he took part in causing my blushing in elementary school. ?What color is a fire truck?? he once repeatedly asked me, and I didn?t understand what he was talking about. He probably made me know for the first time that your cheeks can go red and fed my mind with the idea that it?s something terrible you should be ashamed of. (Does someone teach kids tricks like this?)

## Probably bullied me somehow when I was at kindergarten age. I remember she saying this to me when I was in elementary school: ?Do you know why I don?t bully you anymore? Because at this age it is better for me to be friendly towards you.? I am 99 percent sure about this memory. This is why I named her like that.

My relatives from elsewhere: Eini Malinen, Airi Malinen, Arvo Malinen, Matti Hakso. They witnessed my mother hypnotize me memory loss in Kolari when instead of going straight to the children?s home (Or trying to get there by another way. I planned stabbing my mother but couldn?t do it. Koivisto suggested shoplifting. If I wouldn?t get caught, I?d get free stuff and if I would get caught, they would have to place me in a children?s home. I turned down the idea because I felt shoplifting was wrong. And I didn?t go talk to a children?s home worker when Koivisto suggested that.) I had gone for an extra vacation at my grandmother?s place by the suggestion of Aarnivala and my mother. I was afraid and hesitated moving to the children?s home. I wished for a foster home, but Aarnivala said there was a shortage of them in Nokia and that they were meant for others. At my grandmother?s place Airi Malinen tried to persuade me into not moving to a children?s home by just saying: ?Then we will never see you again either.? I held onto my strengthened decision to go into a children?s home and my mother said: ?I will brainwash him.? Eini Malinen bullied me: ?Shortly, you won?t remember a thing.? She had also witnessed my mother sexually abuse me when I was a small child. During a car trip back to Nokia my mother said I had had a childhood ?full of sunshine?. ?Did I?? I said and believed it. At Myllyhaka School my classmates asked what my relatives had done to me. I no longer wanted to go into a children?s home and was like nothing had ever happened. ?They brainwashed him,? Tallgr?n said to Aarnivala at the beginning of a class. Aarnivala answered: ?Then they brainwashed him! Doesn?t matter as long as he does him homework.? I had earlier stopped doing my homework as a protest until I?d get to a children?s home.

My mother later gave me signs I didn?t get as an amnesiac of understanding completely what she had done to me and being satisfied with the situation. At high school age as I was spending a free period at home, she asked me what class I had next. ?Psychology,? I answered. She just chuckled and said: ?the Oedipus complex.? Once they talked about the Fritzl case on TV. ?I wonder if I?m that sick too?? my mother said. Another time there was a story on TV about the austerity measures of the Aho administration in the early 1990s depression and my mother said my life was ruined because of them. So she understood my life was very bad and possibly alluded to me not getting rescued from her as a small child because of the spending cuts or for some other reason. I didn?t have a habit of watching television with my mother, but I often stopped to glance at it after leaving my room, where I spent most of my time. ?I have now got him to pity me,? I heard my mother tell her sister Eini Malinen on the phone (She was close only with her, she always talked to her a certain way and didn?t call others much.) when I was in junior high school. I then pitied her because she worked two jobs. I sometimes sank to seeing my life as normal forgetting what all was missing from it.

[At primary school age I also bullied one boy outside of school hours. Before it, Amir Bardo told me he would show me what sadism is and make me bully him. The most extreme bullying situation was talking him into drinking water from a creek by saying it was ?magic water?. Daniel Bardo was there with his brother and told me that I now knew what it is like to bully. I bullied because it felt good. You can be in all kinds of states. I didn?t get to start my life as wise and good.

At daycare age I bullied a boy with his brother. We put him in the tire of a cable slide at the playground in a way that somehow caused him to scrape his head on the ground along the way. What happened surprised and scared me. I asked him to do something to me as a punishment and not to tell his parents so that my mother wouldn?t hear about it and get angry with me. I don?t remember he doing anything to me. My mother did hear about it and remorse was never enough for her? The other brother had a habit of bullying me too. ?You bully too!? Harhala was able to say and feign righteousness after my actions.

In elementary school, I threw a boy in our class into the snow in a wrestling-like manner a few times on our way from school. I did it even though he asked me not to. Daniel Bardo had been doing the same to me. It just came out of me. I gave Arpula an excuse to start ?defending? him. He probably was there in the above-mentioned dressing room situations, most likely knew about my memory losses and was once ?on Leo?s side? in elementary school. {During one recess in middle school, he started talking with an annoying parodic Romani accent and didn?t stop when I asked him to? His ethnic background includes Romani heritage, I believe. I never noticed it as a kid.}

I bullied a cousin of mine a little bit with his brother when I was in primary school age. They also choked me unconscious and memoryless after telling me their parents had sexually abused them. They were not ready to turn against their parents. Once at elementary school age, I caught fish with his brother and we froze them alive feeling macabre or sadistic pleasure. It was my idea. I later regretted it as the worst thing I had ever done.

Once in my elementary school years one of the boys in my neighborhood was throwing sticks in the spokes of the bicycle of a handicapped boy older than me. I joined in and caused him to fall down. He wasn?t hurt badly, thankfully.

In kindergarten age, I bullied our family cat by scaring her. I wrapped her in a blanket so that she couldn?t scratch me and scared her by growling and grimacing. Then I stopped and calmed her down. And after that I shocked her terribly by doing it again. My mother had behaved similarly towards me. And so had the bullies in my neighborhood. I remember Amir Bardo promising to be my friend or to stop bullying me if I started to bully our cat. But I had already been doing it. (Later the cat attacked me and scarred my head when I had gone to pet her kittens while she was asleep.)

My mother, my relatives, my neighbors, my classmates, my teachers, my healthcare contacts? So, evil came into my life from many directions. But did it all have a shared origin?

During my elementary school years, I also sometimes bullied and was mean to another cousin of mine. I was often annoyed at how my mother was more friendly towards her than me. I once broke her kite we had flown together for many days. Meanness just arose from me. I have later suspected that her mother was also a ?zombie?. I also had a vision-like experience about this cousin of mine that could be interpreted as messaging that she had also turned into a walking dead person later. I wonder if someone is trying to wipe out my family.]

More classmates of mine from elementary school, junior high school and high school:  Juho Koskela, Lassi Savilahti (Earlier, I misremembered his surname as ”Savitaipale”.), Rasmus Sainmaa, Juuso M?enp??, Joni Salminen, Joni Virolainen, Joni Savolainen, Sini Saarinen, Marika Mansikkam?ki, Anette St?hl, Katja Ylitalo, Krista Tuomela, Sonja Aivio, Niia Neuvonen, Crista Hyri?inen, Emma V?lim?ki, Marjo Tanner, Henna Tuominen, Eveliina Naulo.

Other names from my past:

Hannu Westenius. A surgeon. He did a knee surgery on me that was probably unnecessary in Nokia in 2011. Thinking about it afterwards, he acted a little bit strange at a pre-surgery consultation meeting by dictating notes to a computer. I have wondered if it was him ?screwing around?, ?typical Jewish humor? or a Twin Peaks reference. It could be the same phenomenon as the green police jacket mentioned elsewhere on the blog. They maybe just want to do things like that?

Tiina Salo. A psychiatrist. She wanted relentlessly to give me a schizophrenia diagnosis based on my appearance after a night of very little sleep in Tampere in 2016 or 2017. ?This is about something else too!? she said at the appointment. Could it have been about something else than a genuine assessment of my health?

Laura Johanna L?hteenmaa. A psychiatrist. She gave me a schizophrenia diagnosis in Nokia in 2021, and I feel she rejected drug psychosis as another possible diagnosis like it was a little bit too important to her. (I?m unsure about the division of tasks of the doctors who treated me, and the person most responsible for the diagnosis is possibly Laura Kristiina Ruotsi. What I most remember about her is her odd infantilizing manner of speech and tone of voice when she asked me, ?How come Juuso?s done something like that?? when I answered her question about drug use. Update February 6, 2026: I believe it is quite possible that the division of tasks among the doctors is actually different from what I would be told, so here are a few more male doctors from my patient records and from the responses to the complaints I have filed about my treatment: Pekka Salmela (Tampere Social and Health Services, 2017), Boris Karpov (Helsinki University Central Hospital, 2024), Jari?Pekka Klemettil? (Pirkanmaa Wellbeing Services County, 2024), Marko Kataja (Pirkanmaa Wellbeing Services County, 2024). In my view, one can suspect that the doctors I met attacked me because of my origin, and that they belong to an organisation that ended the existence of my parents and is trying to do the same to me. They are either maximally evil people or prisoners of such people. In the latter case, the attacks against me merely pass through them.)

Johanna Heinonen. A doctor. She made an involuntary treatment referral about me in Tampere in April 2021; the schizophrenia diagnosis came afterward as a consequence of that referral. She based the referral on my old blog called Structures of Reality, in which I had also suspected Jews of being evil, named my school bullies, and stated that I believed in the existence of free will.

UPDATE January 20, 2026: I wonder if anyone in my age group on that list still exists. The behavior on social media of some of them feels a bit too strange to me, so they are probably zombies. People are typically arranged to perish eternally or cease to exist or have their ?souls? be irreversibly destroyed in Finland by targeting them as children, I believe. Some of them are raised evil and sent after the good children. Afterwards, the evil children meet the same end as their victims. The activity as a whole is probably framed as Satan worshiping, and most of the children participate primarily as members of Judaism-based networks, and some others are solely or as solely as possible Satan worshipers. Some Finnish submembers of Jews probably have more friends in Israel than others, and the compatibility of children with Judaism is probably measured.

I also wonder how many of the individuals on the list were the child sex prize of another goy member of Jews. When I piece together my observations of the police from the recent past and two memories of police encounters in my childhood ? one at my home before school age and another in a class room in elementary school with people on the above list present ? I can?t help but thing all this happens under the watchful eye and organizational expertise of the Police of Finland. The Police of Finland is either under complete Jewish control or contains aspirations to gain independence by their Finnish submembers. On this basis, you can infer how well any action aimed at dealing with these questions can work out in Finland. No one else than the police can probably investigate crimes in Finland, for example. I have suspected that Finland is not really an independent country but instead still a part of Sweden. Two negative things could in this case rule each other out partially, and the police might not be able to get all functions of Finland under its control ? it can do that to email traffic though. That would be a start of course, but where can you find an organization to execute Finnish police officers ? preferably by burning them alive in cages?

{Beware of the Jewish trick about satisfying Dajjal ? everything always has a Jewish fake version of it anyway ? and good luck trying to find a Swede, who doesn?t belong to Jews?}